How To Relax - User Manual For Humans S1 E10 - Dr Ekberg

good evening and welcome I'm Dr. Sten Ekberg as most you know and today

we are at part 10 of user manual for humans and the first thing that patients

learn in this office is that the number one detractor from health is called

stress and there is physical stress there's chemical stress and there's

emotional stress the emotional stress may be the most far-reaching and the

most important one to deal with and yet it may be the hardest to pinpoint and

it's the one that demands the most of the person himself so now I'm excited

and this is a topic that will go on forever there's so many ways to address

it this is a very brief introduction to that topic mental relaxation how to

relax the subtitle is be here now and that's a hard thing for humans because

even though we are human beings most of us think that we are human doings most

people are very uncomfortable with not doing anything people have to sit down

for 30 seconds and don't have anything to entertain them they get very restless

and especially kids maybe but but even adults we still we always feel like we

have to do something we have some goal to pursue it's very very difficult for

us to just be and the other part of that the next part is here and here is

whatever is in front of us whatever we are engaged in at the time but the mind

is very very unhappy right here the mind always tries to be somewhere else so the

mind is constantly worrying it's thinking back in time to worry about

things that have been or being guilty about things that

have been or it projects into the future because the future holds the promise of

something better and because the mind / ego always identifies with things with

with property with relationships with knowledge with things that can enhance

the sense of self if i have a car that's my car and i feel better because i have

a nice car if i have nice clothes i feel better because i identify with those

clothes that's what the ego does and the the ego / mind so the in the present

moment there is nothing to identify with so the ego always tries to get somewhere

else in place on time because the future I know I can get something better I can

I can encounter some fun or something or something to to raise my sense of self

be and here both of those are very difficult and now is equally difficult

like we said now doesn't hold much value for the mind or ego being has no value

so the mind constantly projects into the future away from this present moment so

in terms of mental peace the biggest thing we can do for ourselves and we'll

get into this is indeed detail is to be here now and it sounds simple but it's

very very difficult for for modern humans because we've developed a mind

that really doesn't want to do that so what we'll cover here is what is the

mind thinking isn't good for you what is emotion the sources of emotional stress

and spirituality is it practical and with spirituality we're not going to

step on any toes we're not going to get into denominations we'll just talk a

little bit about what it is so I have a little poem that

there's supposedly written by a little girl and it talks about a robot but

think about the robot more as your mind as the subconscious mind when you read

it and it says I have a little robot that goes around with me I tell him what

I'm thinking I tell him what I see I tell my little robot all my hopes and

fears he listens and remembers all my joys and tears at first my little robot

followed my command but after years of training he's gotten out of hand he

doesn't care what's right or wrong or what is false or true no matter what I

try now he tells me what to do and that is very very simplistic but also very

very profound that is exactly how the mind and especially the subconscious

mind works so what is the mind what well it is basically the same as the nervous

system and if I use some terms here that don't agree with how you usually think

about them just kind of bear with me for now and save your questions till

afterwards we'll try to clarify if need be the purpose of the nervous system is

to process information and then because there is such an abundance of

information every day your nervous system process is something of the order

of a billion bits of information per second there needs to be some sort of

patterning and categorizing so you don't have to process the same billion bits

from scratch every time so because of that the nervous system forms habits

patterns so that once you've learned how to walk you don't have to do it again

once you've learned how to talk and act in different situations you don't have

to relearn all those things but at the same time that it coordinates activity

and develops response patterns it also develops all of your beliefs all your

skills so after a while we don't have to think so much all our minds we're

already made up their predetermined for us and there's some benefits to that

obviously otherwise it would happen that way there's convenience there's

efficiency it's a great tool the mind is a great tool to get things done but we

also need to understand that this this system has some drawbacks because as

much as the mind can help it can also get in the way these patterns and habits

they don't always serve us when we try to change something the mind can get a

mind of its own she excused upon just like the robot it it tends to take over

the mind is an egomaniac the mind is filled with self-importance and as as

humans we have a tendency to become identified with the mind even though we

have thoughts we don't say things like I have a sad thought what I have a happy

thought we say I am sad I am happy we've gone so far as to completely identified

with our thought process and we don't know how to

break them anymore so that's how the mind kind of takes us over the mind is

very repetitious and because of that it makes it simple but it also can of

streamlines things and makes the monotonous we don't really need to be

aware of anything because the mind just takes care of business for us we can get

through a day without thinking for ourselves at all it's just old habits

that do it so therefore there's a tendency to lose spontaneity zest awe

and curiosity of life kids are great at this they're curious about everything

they're always in all everything new but as adults we think we've seen it also

doesn't excite as much as I Oh yet whatever I seen that that takes a lot of

excitement out of life at the same time and the other one is we have a tendency

to become addicted to thought how many people here have noticed that you always

think of something right that's just what we do as humans this it's just one

thought after another and it's just racing and racing and racing and the the

question that is are these thoughts really useful what will get a little bit

more to that in toward toward the end but if we start thinking a little

differently about what the mind and the ego is they're basically the collection

of thoughts that you have and you identify with them therefore everything

that the mind and the ego believes you believe that you are too and the ego is

very delusional it has a lot of neuronic mental issues so the ego believes that

if you get angry enough if you get resentful enough if

you get guilty enough for long enough things will change things will get

better if you think about it when you get angry at something or somebody that

anger is never going to change the thing you're angry at and yet you're angry

because the ego that you're identified with believes that being angry will

change something it takes a little bit of thinking I just want to get you

started on this process but anger is like drinking poison and waiting for

someone else to get hurt the anger and blame and guilt or anger and blame

especially there never about the object or the person that you're angry at the

anger only hurts yourself the other person doesn't know you're angry so the

poison is only going to hurt you and so it is with any emotional reaction that

you don't like the only one that gets hurt is you and this is we have a hard

time separating ourselves from the anger because we identify with the ego and the

thought process so this cartoon there's the computer on the on the psychologist

couch and the counselor says no I don't think you're crazy like most of us are

just a victim of bad program that would hold true for any of us so many years

ago a clever philosopher named Rene Descartes said the famous words I think

therefore I am and what he was trying to figure out was do we really exist

was the Philosopher's dilemma I guess it's eternal but at one time especially

and so he figured out that you know I don't know for sure if I exist but I

think I figured it out because I think therefore I am because thinking must be

the same as existing but that wasn't really true because what he really said

if you read his stuff which I haven't but I looked up some of it he really

said more something more to the fact that if I can observe the thought and

questioned it then I exist so what he's talking about is the proof of existence

is when you can detach yourself from the thought and realize that you are

separate that proves your existence and that's kind of what we're getting at

here tonight that you are not the thought you are the one having the

thought because if you can step away from the thought and observe it and

questioned it then you can't be the thought and that's the difference

between you and the mind and this is a little bit different of a mind under an

understanding of mine that were used to but in the way we're talking about I

think you'll find it yourself so you're not the thought you are the one who have

the thought why does this matter why do we care what's the health relation

what's the connection here what we've talked a lot in the past about

sympathetic and parasympathetic that sympathetic is your stress response that

has certain physiological responses the stress response will speed up your heart

it'll tense your muscles it will breathe faster it will engage in catabolism

which means breaking down tissue to free of energy and resources burning bridges

because if we're chased by a bear we don't really care we just want to make

it out of there and it's about an outward expenditure of energy it's about

defending ourselves so we've found that the sympathetic response is responsible

for about ninety nine percent of all modern illness

everything people take medication for is directly traced to the sympathetic

response the parasympathetic is the opposite that's about expending energy

inward and that's digestion immune function healing and building things up

anabolic function so from a health perspective it matters a lot whether we

engage the sympathetic or the parasympathetic because only the

parasympathetic can heal whereas the sympathetic is the stress response that

will get us safe and that's the point that these emotional responses when we

or when our ego gets emotionally reactive and we get tense it has a

health effect and it may be the greatest single factor in health that we know of

that we can that we can follow up and do something about to sew these sympathetic

parasympathetic functions if we move to slide number nine the there's a there's

a carry over to the emotional states so your cells can be in one of two states

they can be in a state of defense or they can be in a state of growth and

healing only takes place during growth so when we defend ourselves emotionally

that carries over to the physical physiological so in growth the cell or

the body would be in a state of love whereas in defense it would be in a

state of fear in growth the body is in a state of ease whereas in defense it's in

a state of tension in growth it's about moving towards something in defense it's

about moving away from something growth is a state of acceptance and defense is

a state of resist and growth is about trust defense is

about doubt so whenever we have any of these these emotions fear tension moving

away resisting without that's a state that has a physiologic effect on

ourselves it puts us in a stress response in a state of defense and we

cannot heal as well so what is emotion one of the best definitions that verges

by Eckhart Tolle he said emotion is your body's response to your thoughts that's

a good one so when you have these thoughts they create an emotional state

and your body has a reaction to it that reaction can be either one of growth or

one of defense and protection another thing that they've done these clever

people that measure everything is they have measured an estimated we have about

60,000 thoughts a day did you know that you're probably working your way up to

about 45,000 by now here's the question how many of those are original thoughts

based on awareness and how many are the same ones you had yesterday we don't

know the number but the vast majority probably somewhere ninety-nine percent

of the thoughts that you had today we're the same as the ones you had yes

today which means that they are completely unnecessary they don't do

anything for you except keep you busy and give your ego be the sense of doing

something okay so what's the process where did we get our thoughts where do

we get our emotional reactions well we observe our environment because of the

purpose and nature of the nervous system it will categorize and label everything

you look at nice car ugly car nice car ugly dress nice haircut nice smell good

traffic bad traffic we do this subconsciously all day long and with

every one of them there's a judgment may be subtle but there's a judgment with

every observation and with every thought unless we are completely aware and we're

like a child to see something for the first time and there's no judgment then

there is awe if we don't have that awe then there is judgment and there's

thought and there's emotional reaction and some of those reactions are good

like yeah I got a raise yeah I got an ice cream but a lot of them result in

tension frustration and your peace joy business whatever so now we have an

emotional reaction and now we have two choices and first when we see something

that this place us we have a reaction to it we can do one of two things we can

change it we can change the thing or number two we

can change how we feel about it we can change our reaction to it meaning accept

it and out of those two choices most humans pick number three which is think

about it resist it fret about it be upset about it tell others about it

complain about it make a club so we can complain together make a club call it a

political party so we can complain about all the other guys and this is what we

do there's very little about activity that goes into actually changing

something or changing how we feel about something and those are the only two

things that make sense ok so that's again goes back to the delusion of the

ego the ego identity is strengthened by complaining because if you complain

about traffic that obviously traffic is wrong and you are right when you

complain about another person's behavior obviously they are wrong and you are

right and that makes you better that strengthens you from any ego stand point

and no matter how subtle or unsubtle we do this all day long we'll talk a little

bit about spirituality and this is completely independent of religion it

can enhance a religion if you subscribe to one but all spirituality really is is

the realization that the one who makes the decisions ultimately is non-physical

that there's some non-physical part of you there's some entity that has the

power to choose and to the extent that you engage that part then that

spirituality okay and this is very very practical

once you start learning about it because these are things that you can do every

minute of every day it's not about sitting down pray or believe something

it is about how do you react to things do you use your awareness and you use

your choice on how to react and how to label and how to judge things what you

are and what you're not you are not your mind you have mind you are not your

thoughts you have thoughts you are not your emotions you have emotions so in my

view points what meditation is it's about learning the difference between

what you are and what you have and in doing that you can get a lot more piece

you can regain health you can get better focus you get more energy you can get

better in sports people do better in school all sorts of good things happen

you get better at concentrating because you're basically using your resources

more effectively by not wasting that on things that don't matter real quick

review what you are is you are silenced you are peace you are awareness your

intelligence your presence you are consciousness and what you have is you

have an ego mind body nervous system thoughts habits and preferences

those are things you have but through the process of conditioning and ego

identification we believe that we are all those things and there's a whole lot

to be won by it by learning the difference so the next gets real quick

is basically that you are bigger than your mind you are more than your line

for more than in mind and ego expands the more that you let it expand the more

it covers you up and the less you have access to the resources but if you can

use the mind as a tool then you can start using it to work for you more so

and then there is more of you left over more of you exposed if you will so we'll

start a guided relaxation here and the purpose is to provide relief from

tension relief from thought and relief from worry sit comfortably in a relaxed

but upright posture you want to sit tall without effort or strain

breathe softly through your belly if you have a tight belt you can loosen that if

you like and you can keep your eyes open or you can close them whichever you're

more comfortable and for right now just allow yourself the luxury of a few

minutes just to relax feel good this is just for you

and let all the worries of the day this fall away

take all the burdens and all the worries that you've been carrying carry them

you've been carrying on your shoulders or on your back just set them aside just

put them down just for now it's okay they'll still be there if you want to

pick them up later then open your mouth slightly and put the tip of your tongue

behind your front teeth then you take a really deep breath fill your lungs all

the way in as much as you can and then slowly let the breath out through the

teeth with a whooshing sound

make it a really really long out breath and take one more breath like that all

the way in and then let it out very very slowly

then close your mouth breathe through your nose slowly and relaxed

breathe through your belly and let it expand comfortably with each breath

while the shoulders stay relaxed

as the breath expands your belly let it continue a little bit up into the chest

just a little bit you don't have to fill your lungs all the way

and breathe in and out slowly i'm going to count for you i'm going to breathe

count to four on the in breath and five on the out breath so breathe in one two

three four make a short pause and out one two three

short pause and one two three four and out one two three four five

so continue that about the same rhythm

practice that for just a couple of breaths

unless you have the rhythm down now you want to add a positive emotion to this

you can think of something that makes you happy pick a flower a child of puppy

a situation anything that works for you

or you can just be happy for no reason at all and that's called bliss is when

you're happy for no reason

whether is joy in the mirror state of beingness

just focus on the breath and how you feel

and if there's a thought or an emotion or attention then just let it drift away

like a cloud in the sky

so just keep letting the thoughts drift away

and when a thought comes back up which it will don't beat yourself up just

acknowledge it let it drift off and return your focus to your breath

feeling good

peace and joy is your natural interstate there's no

effort involved you don't have to do anything just relax

and just be the peace

with every in breath we can breathe in a subtle joy

with every out breath you let go more tension

so with every breath allow yourself to find deeper the bird

levels of relaxation

allow yourself to believe that this well being

can get better

notice your breath again

and notice how your entire body expands ever so slightly with a breath the

entire periphery of your body grows and shrinks with each breath

now can you imagine how the inhalation fills your entire body not just the

lungs but everything that expands is filled with air

and then can you imagine that when the air leaves your body it leaves behind

nothing but space

by your entire body feels like space as you breathe out

then imagine or visualize all the space around your body

the space in every direction around you

so the inside of your body is all space outside your body is all space

then try to imagine that the space inside your body is continuous with this

space outside your body

how the continuity of space inside you and outside of you

obliterates the edges of the body

so in this moment you're one with space you don't need your body just allow

yourself wonderful experience just being one with space

can you imagine how fast you are as the space inside you extends in every

direction

just allow yourself the luxury of resting in this moment

as the space and the peace that you are

just rest as the silence that you are

and then can you allow yourself to accept this moment just for now not five

seconds from now or five minutes from now just this moment right now can you

accept it and just let it be exactly what is

can you welcome this moment and realize how complete you are how in

this moment you don't need anything

there's nothing that you can't cope with in the present moment

there are never any problems right now in order to find problems you have to

think and travel by thoughts to some other imaginary moments

that they don't exist right now

everything you need is right here right now in this moment

and this is the best moment there is

because it's the only moment there is

can you feel that this is the best there is

nothing can ever exist at any other time than right now

and right now all as well

so remain relaxed in this moment but allow yourself to start feeling the

presence of your body notice feel the presence of your hands feel the presence

of your legs

and realize that your body consists of cells trillions of cells

it's more than just a group of cells or a bunch of cells it's the community of

cells a wonderful intelligent perfect

community just working for you every one of those trillions of cells

can create another perfect healthy cell

your cells can be in a state of fear and protection or they can be in a state of

love peace and healing

your cells are listening to you they're listening to your thoughts

they're determining their behavior and their state based on the thoughts you

broadcast

so take a moment and send them a message all this broadcast that they are

perfectly safe

your cells want to relax and join you in this moment of well-being

let the broadcast radiate and vibrate after every single cell in your body

can you feel the tingle can you feel the cells vibrate

then can you imagine that your heart is the broadcast center imagine a warm

golden light magically appearing in your heart and spreading throughout the body

the warm golden light feels so good and it's making everyone of yourselves get

all warm and relaxed you're getting so relaxed now you're starting to relax

even at cellular level the wonderful healing energy is filling every cell as

they let go of tension and toxins

yourself becoming clean strong all tension fear is gone replaced with

peace courage energy and enthusiasm the cells are energized but there's no

effort on your part your cells know what to do all you have to do is relax and

breathe your cells don't need any help they just need you to get out of the way

and then relax and

all the wonderful little cells know exactly what to do

that's what they're designed for it is built in

growth and healing relax

and breathe then bring your attention back to this room and the chair you're sitting

in take a few breaths a little bit deeper let yourself slowly return to the

physical world and allow yourself the possibility that you can take this

wonderful feeling with you as you move into the rest of the day and know that

there is no shortage of peace you can access it as often as you want move your

head a little bit stretch a little bit move your fingers wiggle your toes open

your eyes take a new fresh look at life

how many people found some sort of inner place you haven't seen before or it were

a deeper relaxation and some peace at a better level good so what I did here is

there's lots of these programs and tapes and things I made this one up just based

on ideas that I've gotten from other places and things that work for me so

when I lie in bed at night take five minutes and I just watched my breath and

I tell myself some of these things I picture myself I ask what what sort of

broadcast would my cells one right now when they want one fretting over

tomorrow or would they don't want to know that all as well and one that

really works for me is to think of this moment just accept this moment just for

now and this is the best moment there is because it's the only moment there is

and as soon as we think oh well you know that's not really true because yesterday

I had a really great moment no because that's history the only moment is now

and as soon as you're comparing to something you're judging if you can get

yourself to the place where you feel this moment right here is the best there

is because it's all there is then that that really gets me that that piece hope

this has been helpful welcome any ideas or suggestions about what you liked or

what didn't work and I'm planning to make a CD of this that will make

available awesome so thank you so much for coming and where you see you next

time